July 16, 2012

NaBloPoMo - July 16th

Monday, July 16, 2012
When did you know that you wanted or didn't want to have kids?
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I don't think I want kids.  I don't remember a time in my life where I had baby fever.  I'm 30 now, and most of my friends have at least one kid.  I get asked all the time, "when are you going to have kids?", but I don't have an answer that they want to hear.  

There are many different reasons that I base my decision on.  I was told once that my reasons were "just excuses, that that's what you do - grow up and have kids", but I don't think I have to do what everyone else is doing.  If the #1 defense on the pro-kid side is "everyone else is doing it", then they need to come up with a better argument.

I think about things like money; will we have enough?  What if our jobs fail?  What if I can't pay for what they need?  Medical bills & insurance, clothes, extracurricular activities, keeping up with what is 'trendy' now, etc.  Bullies!  I think about how it's so easy to torture a kid via the internet.  How many kids you see on TV committing suicide because of bullying and peer pressure.  Kids today don't leave a nasty note in your locker, they superimpose your head on an animal's body...or worse.  I think about how I'm going to handle when they start to date, how to keep them from drinking and doing drugs.  What can I do to make them not hate me, like most teenagers do at some point.  Pregnancy!  I've seen my friends be miserable while pregnant.  All the shots, the hormones, the pain...plus the actual childbirth, forgive me, but it sounds gross!  Then there's all the things that can go wrong while pregnant...There's mental illness on both sides of my family, as well as my boyfriend's family.  Do I want to bring a kid into this world who will have to deal with the same problems that we have? 

I know it seems like I'm scared, I get that it reads like that.  I have this urge to try and be prepared at all times, and with a decision as monumental as bringing another human into the world, "Do you want kids? is not a simple yes-or-no answer.