We're all guilty of it. Comparing our lives with the lives of others. Things like clothes, vehicles, homes, friends --- thoughts of inadequacy have gone though my head. Comparing what you don't have to what someone else does can be quite debilitating. Self doubt sets in, anxiety takes root and before you know it, you're very unhappy and nothing seems good enough.
I even find myself sometimes having blog envy. Bloggers, I know you feel me on this. You see a blog that you feel is similar in style or tone but is vastly more popular and you wonder to yourself why you don't have a similar success. I don't pretend to know what I'm doing all of the time and lord knows I don't consider myself a blogging expert. I guess my point is this --- I've decided to liberate myself of my self doubt. My clothes, body, vehicle, home, friends & blog (plus whatever else I've missed) is good enough. It's more than good enough. It's awesome.
I'm fortunate in a lot of ways. Just because I don't have the newest, hottest, blah blah blah...doesn't mean what I do have isn't great in it's own way. Suck it, doubt! It doesn't bother me if so-and-so got engaged; I just celebrated my 9-year anniversary with my boyfriend and I am perfectly content with that. Who cares if my house is older and my car isn't brand new? I've got the sun on my face and it feels good. Warm and bright and happy.
I will not obsess over what I'm "doing wrong" as far as blog popularity goes. I will be delighted in the fact that someone actually wants to read what I write! If I get popular, then that's fantastic. If I stay small, that's just fine too. I will be happy with what I have.
I am enough. I need to learn to take pride in the fact that I am a good friend. I am a good sister. I am a good girlfriend. I do try to be a good person. No, I'm not Mother Teresa. I have many flaws but I try to make the best of them. I am the girl who spends hours trying to find the perfect gift or plan the best birthday party. I'm the friend who helps you move or babysits your kids even though I am dog tired and my house is a hot mess. I am that shoulder to cry on, that ear that listens, the baker who makes you cupcakes when you're having a bad day.
I am guilty of feeling less than. I am guilty of being unfair in reactionary events. I sometimes wonder if they're as happy for me as I was for them. If I need help but no one comes to my aid like I do for theirs. These reactionary events steal my happiness. They steal my joy, dammit! Mr. Theodore Roosevelt is right. Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy. A banishment of comparison-thinking is way past due. I need to realize and remember that we all handle life in a unique way. We react differently. We live differently. I want to be happy. I need it. I think I deserve it. I think we all do.