July 1, 2014

That Time I Almost Got In A Fight At The Grocery Store...

 Photo: Emmanuel Faure/Getty Images

There are unwritten rules of the grocery store.  Please don't think I'm crazy (or if you do, please try to think of me as the "nice crazy") but it seems like there should be some grocery store etiquette.  I don't know if people don't realize or they plain just don't acre but there's a serious lack of courtesy going on up in the grocery store.
 
Shopping did not used to be a traumatic experience.  I used to love going grocery shopping.  Really, I did.  Maybe my patience-o-meter is running disastrously low (likely) but it just seems like the rudest people hang out at grocery stores nowadays.  I feel like I'm going to have to adopt a "girl in the roller derby" outlook!

Let's do this....


Because I guess I'm somewhat of an ass, I decided to make a list of things that drive me crazy about this particular situation.


I mean, I know most of us are guilty of leaving our buggy in the parking lot instead of in the designated stall or pulling forward through a parking spot to the empty one in front so you don't have to back out.  It happens to the best of us.

The things that get me cranky are the inconsiderate things.  Parking in a handicapped spot when you're not handicapped, for example.  Are people that damn lazy??  Try to think of it from a position where, because of your thoughtlessness, someone who actually needed that spot will have to suffer.  Rude, y'all.
 
Talk on the phone if you like, but for the love of Pete, don't yell.  If I'm 3 aisles down and I can fully hear what you're saying, expect the side-eye from me if we meet in the aisles.  Also, pay attention!  Don't stand in the middle of the aisle or in front of things people need to get to.  Park it in the concessions area if you can't multitask.
I'm pretty sure like 80% (I totally made up that amount but whatever) of people pushing a cart know how to drive.  A fairly good amount of those people forget how once in a store.  Stay to the right.  Look before you turn the corner.  If you eff up and almost whomp someone, apologize!  Personally, I think it's the respectful thing to do.  Say excuse me.  Etiquette!!  

If you have to leave your cart for a big, pull it to the side!  Don't leave it in the middle of the aisle.  No one will be able to get around you and everyone will think you're an ass.  It sucks trying to squeeze around a cart just because someone is too lazy to scoot over.
The grocery store is not your family reunion.  This is a huge problem in my town.  Fourhundredandeleventypeople will congregate around their carts and have a full on chat fest in the middle of the aisles!  I'm talking where there is no way on Earth that you have the slightest chance to get through.  I've had to turn around in an aisle, go down the next one and turn back into the previous aisle on the other side of the people just to get things I needed --- on multiple occasions.  Last week a lady actually said to me, "Can't you see we're talking here?" in response to my saying "Excuse me, may I grab something behind you real fast?".  I really try my damnedest not to be rude to people but if there was ever a moment I wanted to smack someone, this was it.
Respect someone's personal space in the checkout line.  If your cart is less than a foot from by butt, we have a problem.  That's barely enough room to turn around much less unload your groceries onto the conveyer belt without accidentally tapping the cart behind you.  I don't want to feel your breath on me nor do I want your kids kicking my legs as they sit under the cart (I'm not knocking that, I used to do it as a kid.  I'm knocking the kicking part.)     

Practice your conveyer belt spacing.  More than once the checkout lady has accidentally scanned someone else's things because they didn't use a separation bar nor did they leave any space between my things and theirs.  Don't bump into someone trying to get the divider either.  It doesn't hurt to ask someone to hand it to you....politely.